I have recently discovered a revolutionary floor care system which, until I patent the concept, I will call "Shuffle Cleaning". I stumbled upon this marvelous concept when, after injuring my knee in an embarrassing athletic maneuver which will go unexplained, I was unable to get down on my knees to clean the floor in the traditional way. ("getting down" as used here bears no resemblance to the use of this phrase during the disco 70's).
Anyway, happily bearing the husbandly duty of sharing the burden of maintaining our home I had previously been granted the tasks of vacuuming and mopping. These of course are relative terms. Rather than "vacuuming" for instance I favor bending over and picking up the offending object (strand of hair, dust mote, etc.). This is green thinking in the purest sense. Why waste coal-fired electricity by turning on a polluting vacuum cleaner when you can just dib and dab up those offensive motes?
But I digress. The revelation of "shuffling" came when, as I said, my knee prevented the regular application of traditional floor cleaning techniques. I probably should hire an agent and go global with this but hey, I'm not after money here so here's the secret ..... don't tell, okay?
Wet two facecloth-size rags with cleaner and shuffle across the floor. One under each foot. Most men can do this easily because we spend significant amounts of time looking at our feet. But the advantage is that it appears to others as if we are intent on staring down those nasty spots on the laminate and thus we accumulate praise for our perspicacity. Win-win.
I can do our entire home in under ten minutes. Sure, I might miss a splat or two but I can always put that off to my bad eyes.
Editor.
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